Friday, February 1, 2008

Ask Satan

Since it seems to be Politics Week, I’ll stick with the theme.

Reader CTK writes, “Were you sad to see Tom Tancredo drop out of the race? I can't see Satan being particularly pro-Mexicans. I bet you liked him.”

Dear CTK,

Why would I have anything against Mexicans? Many of my best clients are Mexicans. You think I’m only interested in your hypocritical little country? A country founded on intellectual ideas of equality and personal rights that revels in its anti-intellectualism? A country with Constitutional separation of church and state that requires its leaders to invoke God and its citizens to swear on Bibles and pledge allegiance to God? A country built by a diversity of immigrant groups, one with a national monument inscribed, “give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses,” that restricts and abuses immigrants for not following some mythical American Way? No, CTK, it’s not so. I welcome the hypocrites of all countries, not just this one.

Tom Tancredo is a fucking idiot, I have no use for him. The problem with him is he actually believes his own crap. There’s no hypocrisy there. When he says Miami is a third-world country, he really believes it’s less a part of the ‘real’ America he made up in his mind. When he wants to eliminate all immigration, he really believes that America would be better off that way. When he says Islam is “a civilization bent on destroying us,” that’s really what he thinks. When he talks about “the siren song of multiculturalism,” he doesn’t see the irony that his archetypal American has deeply multicultural roots, his own only two generations back in Italy.

Put it this way: suppose Tancredo and Rudy Giuliani each put on a show trial to deport an illegal alien. Tom Tancredo would go home and night and sleep soundly, content that he had done right. Giuliani would go home and weep in his soul, knowing the whole thing was a sham to further his career, that he’d made specific people’s lives worse, and reflecting on the struggles of his immigrant ancestors.

If you want to be the Decider you have to be able to make decisions, and you have to be able to see both sides. You have to be able to know that you’ve done wrong and be content with it. If the world is black and white to you, like it is to Tom Tancredo, you’ll be a piss-poor president.

-- Satan

Have other questions or want advice from Satan? You can email them to Satan or post them in the comments for this blog entry.


FranIAm said...

Holy crap Satan, (i have to cross myself each time i utter or type your name! :-> )

That is feckin' brilliant. The Rudy and Tancredo scenario I mean. Wow.

Satan said...

Welcome, FranIAm. Glad you liked it!

-- Satan