Friday, March 21, 2008

Careful Where You Look

Trying to catch up a bit here. Spring training is almost over and I've hardly written a thing about it - the battles for roster spots, the injuries, the triumphant return of amusing Steinbrennerisms, helmets and an ad-hoc strike for the benefit of coaches, etc. But here's one story on which I do want to comment: per his father and the girl herself, Red Sox rookie Clay Buchholz is apparently romantically linked to Penthouse Pet of the Year Erica Ellyson. (Though the polite euphemism seems somehow wrong. Can I just say they're fucking? Allegedly, of course.)

This story is a nice contrast to another one, about how Barry Bonds can't get a job. Chicks did the long ball? Have the Mitchell report and Clemens' lip-licking at Congress turned tastes away from supermuscular home run hitters to skinny dorky-looking kids who throw no-hitters?

Of course, maybe we shouldn't read too much into the judgement of Ms. Ellyson. Try a Google image search to see what Buchholz' flame looks like, and you are likely to focus on her denuded labia rather than her face. Most women, I think, prefer to conduct themselves in ways that keep these images off the top hits. But who knows, perhaps Ellyson is just insecure about her nose or something.

In other sports news, I notice that I neglected to give the final NCAA tournament answers yesterday. Kansas over Memphis.

Ask Satan is published irregularly per questions received. (And schedule permitting -- I have a great question pending but I just haven't had time to do it justice...) Have a question for Satan? Email it to Satan or post it in the comments.


FranIAm said...

How you taunt and you tease Satan. And on Good Friday no less.

The irony is not lost on moi.

So what is the question and please answer it.

Enquiring Catholic minds want to know!

Übermilf said...

Sports and sex... hmmm... I thought angels, even fallen ones, were sexless.


Satan said...

FranIAm - Good Friday or not, I had a busy day yesterday. Turned out to be a lot more busy than the first day of the NCAA tournamanet, for whatever reason.

I'm curious - does it bother you that they scheduled the first rounds of the tournament over Easter weekend? Or perhaps, from the point of view of many Americans, that they scheduled Easter during the first round of the NCAA playoffs?

I actually rather like Lent, but it all appeals to me less and less the closer we get to Easter. It's just that the version of the story told in your Church has been so twisted by politics and theology that it stops having much to do with what actually happened. I'd rather remember the real guy, the guy I liked and could talk to, the guy I hung out with in the desert for 40 days. Not this theological construct that religion has made out of him. The real events stood quite well on their own, it's a real shame humans felt it necessary to "improve" on them.

As for the question, I'm afraid you lost me. All the questions I asked in this post where rhetorical...

Übermilf - Um, no. Angels and demons are not intrinsically sexless. Some far from it, in fact. Don't be misled by artistic conventions that decline to show genitalia... Sexlessness is a choice (or should I write choice, Fran?), not a requirement.

-- Satan

Satan said...

Ah, you're talking about the backlogged Ask Satan question. I'm afraid it requires a long answer, which I have not finished. But if you want a spoiler, the question is about my achievements.

-- Satan

FranIAm said...

I am tired - it has been a long weekend for a Jesus-y kind of gal like me, so now I don't remember the question.

My non-church going husband and I have had a few conversations about the basketball. I could care less frankly.

Although our local team, the Siena Saints lost today. Mere coincidence? Although they did play another Catholic school team, Villanova, so go figure.

I'd love to hear about those 40 days. Oh the stories you could tell.

(choice, yes - choice!)

PS - I did think of you during Vigil mass on Saturday night when I had to say I rejected you. Frankly I did almost hesitate for the first time.

Satan said...

FranIAm - Do the recall the phrasing of the question at Mass?

Do you reject Satan, the Father of Sin and the Prince of Darkness?

Prince of Darkness is an acceptable title as titles go, though I do not accept the particular gnostic meaning of "darkness" that originally motivated the title. But Father of Sin? I didn't invent sin. God gave you the ability to choose (I hardly need to tell you that!), and humans make the choice to sin. All I do is present the option.

Blaming me for the existence of sin is like a drunk driver blaming his car crash on Budweiser for making beer. It's passing the buck. It's refusing to take responsibility for your actions. The gift of choice, of free will, integrally includes responsbility for the consequences of one's choices. Otherwise choice is meaningless.

-- Satan

Übermilf said...

I still yelled out "I DO!" because you're a slimy two-faced lying jerk.

Satan said...

It's nice to excite such passion.