Cupcake!

I am very happy to report that I recently received my first cupcake from Übermilf.

Grunt

I have nothing pithy to say. But I have not posted in a week, so I'll just complain.

I hate the wave. I strongly dislike Joba Chamberlain. It is an embarrassment that Marvin Miller is not in the Hall of Fame. I do not understand how anyone can take seriously a sport that encourages players to pretend to be hurt on the field. I hate Ferrari. I can't decide which is worse for sports, instant replay rules or the drug testing arms race. I don't really care about the Olympics any more, except the stuff about the Speedo swimsuit, which is only because of the amusement of endorsement deals forcing people into inferior products.

What would the outcome be if we ran all the primaries over again from scratch, back to the beginning of fundraising? Or would the same endorsement deals still force people into the same inferior products?

That's all the crap I can come up with today, a day of confluence of bad events. Hope yours was better.

-- Satan

How Not to Win Friends and Influence People

You know, it turns of to be somewhat unrewarding, this decision that I have enough time to squeeze in writing the odd blog entry, considering that I haven't yet carved out the time to look at any other blogs.

So, as I'm not really part of a conversation anyway, I'll just ramble on about the primaries -- something I really meant to say more about when it was a little more topical.

Clinton the Lesser. She's proven the name appropriate -- at least provisionally. I never came out and endorsed her, so you can't blame me, but how in the hell did she manage to blow an election that she once had in the bag? Even after she started to let it get away, I kept expecting her to get it back together and pull it out. But it never happened. Everything was too little, too late.

Or too much too late, some of it. Pulling out the stops on pandering just looks desperate when you're that deep in the hole. I know it's all been covered - the affected Arkansas accent, the gas tax relief crap (come on, this country doesn't even have a significant national gas tax to begin with), the "I don't care what economists think" bullshit, etc., etc. But I do have to say -- Crown Royale? You're trying to be all middle American in a bar, so you're going to do a shot of Crown Royale? Crown Royale? Um, you're aware that it's Canadian, right? You know it comes in a velvet bag? Christ, why not just order a cosmopolitan? Is it that hard to say Jack Daniels? Or Jim Beam? Or if you really want to go with imported liquor, do a fucking tequila shot.

It was all very, very disappointing. As things now stand, Clinton the Lesser's political career will be remembered primarily for her two major failures: the failure to get health care reform through in 1994, and completely blowing this primary.

Or will it? There is one possible future that would put her back on top, not to mention winning her a new name. Obama losing this election, and then Clinton winning in 2012.

So, will Clinton the Lesser fully back Obama? Or will she go with her own self-interest, and subtly try to sabatoge his chances?

-- Satan

The Currency We Deserve

A post something like what I might have written months ago had I had time...

The new US $5 bill. I got my first one a few months ago. That big purple 5 in block lettering in the lower right on the back really jars pretty badly with the classic ornate engraved design characteristic of US currency. Formerly characteristic, that is. This 5 looks like it should be on the uniform of some new expansion sports team with bad color sense - should we expect the next bill redesign to feature teal?

Of course, the trend of making US currency in the colors of Monopoly money is entirely apropos, considering the value of the currency in the world is heading in exactly that direction.

On closer inspection, poor taste isn't the only reflection of modern America that's been incorporated into the latest currency designs. The five also has a distinct purple tinge, like it's been soaked in the Kool-Aid we've all been asked to drink. The ten and twenty both appear to have been soaked in something red - perhaps an attempt to use tomato juice to get rid of the skunk stink of the US image in the rest of the world? Or just Iraqi blood? The other amusing new feature pioneered on the twenty was the snow of little numbers falling around the White House. Should we take that to be a nod to President Bush the Lesser's drug of choice, or the static in his mind?

US notes used to be classic and distinct, the traditional and unchanging styling echoing the stability of the dollar, the reference currency of the world economy. For my money (pun intended), the old $2 bill, featuring an engraving of the signing of the Declaration of Independence on the back, is the finest piece of currency ever designed. Multicolor, multisize notes were for the rest of the world. To me, they all look like toy money. They say hyperinflation - the same Yugoslav dictator appearing in subsequent printings on otherwise-identical bills with extra zeros added each time.

Well, if this is where we're going, might as well stop worrying and love the ugly purple bomb.

-- Satan

Quote

If there's a hell being prepared for me -- and I see no reason to think that there isn't -- it'll involve having to do all of Satan's ironing. And vacuuming.

Maybe this explains why they broke my iPod.

Inane Comment

 
If I had to pick one or two pitchers, he'd be in the top three.

-- Buck Showalter on Curt Schilling
Jan 23, 2008, in the ESPN studio during the rain delay before the start of the Diamondbacks/Red Sox game.

Rolling Start?

Well, I think I might be back.

I suppose I might have come back to regular blogging with a big splashy post -- say a long-winded reply to an old Ask Satan question or a commentary on how Clinton the Lesser turned in such a very, very disappointing performance. But if I have to wait to do that, who knows when I'd get around to it? Why write something interesting when I can write grant proposals instead?

So instead, we'll just restart slowly and see how it goes. I'll put up at least an inane comment at least once a week.

Call it a reinvention in honor of Robert Kubica, who became the first Polish driver to win a Formula 1 race at the Grand Prix de Canada in Montreal a few weeks ago. For those who don't know, or don't take pride in their Polish ancestry, Kubica's victory was particularly nice given his spectacular crash in Montreal last year.

Of course, you could also just call this a rolling start; then referencing an F1 driver is not at all apropos. Pick that spin if you're disappointed by this post.

-- Satan

Ask Satan

Persistent reader FranIAm asks: I never thought I'd find myself asking this... but where the hell is Satan???

New Zealand.

Ask Satan

Forthright reader Übermilf asks:

what, you're too good to blog now? Screw you, Satan.

No. I'm sorry I haven't been posting, but my professional responsbilities exploded on me recently, and combined with some other personal obligations, something had to give. The blog is more or less on hiatus for now.

But, as Barry Bonds told the faithful on Opening Day 2005, I will be back.

-- Satan

Congratulations

Congratulations to Atlanta Braves manager Bobby Cox and pitcher Chris Resop (shown). They finally did something in a game that gets talked about a lot, but never actually done. They moved Resop to another position for one batter and then back to pitcher.

Resop, a right-handed pitcher, was pitching in relief for Atlanta against Pittsburgh in the top of the tenth. With a left-handed batter, Adam LaRoche, due up, Cox brought in left-hander Royce Ring to relieve Resop. But instead of taking Resop out of the game, Cox moved him to left field and took left fielder Matt Diaz out instead. Resop had been an outfielder in high school. After Ring struck out LaRoche, Cox moved Resop back to pitcher, took Ring out of the game, and brought in Gregor Blanco to play left. Resop then faced two move right-handed batters, Xavier Nady and Jose Bautista.

The Braves lost the game, as Resop gave up a run in the inning, but the strategy worked, as Cox got the lefty-lefty platoon advantage on LaRoche and the righty-righty platoon advantage on Jason Bay before him and Xavier Nady after him. Nice to see some creativity in managing instead of the knee-jerk orthodox LaRussian approach of using three pitchers for three batters.

-- Satan